The Courage to Encourage

Everyone needs encouragement. Humans are created to be relational beings and we naturally take comfort in an encouraging word from a friend during a time of difficulty, fear, or uncertainty. Sometimes, even more than words, just the encouraging presence of loved ones can ease feelings of pain or worry. The importance of such relationships cannot be over-estimated. Studies have shown that those who live in healthy community with others, live longer, whereas isolation and loneliness breed depression and anxiety.

Paul taught the early church that the Body of Christ should be a loving and encouraging fellowship of believers. In his letter to the Romans he paints us a striking picture of what it looks like to live in biblical community (Romans 12). Among other things, he urges us to be empathetic with one another; to rejoice with those who rejoice and to mourn with those who mourn (Rom 12:15).

Isn't it true that when we experience a blessing or victory in our lives, we long for others to rejoice with us? True friends will be glad when God uses us to achieve something or when He blesses us. They will celebrate with us as if the victory or blessings are theirs also! But, sadly, the achievements or gifts of others can breed discontentment, insecurity, and jealousy in the hearts of some. And sometimes, people secretly take pleasure in the failures of others, because it makes them feel temporarily better about themselves in comparison. But to rejoice with those who rejoice is to let go of our insecurities and the prideful temptation to one-up each other. It is to think of others as more significant than ourselves (Phil 2:3). It is to show selflessness, empathy, and humility.

Mourning with those who mourn can also be a challenge in our busy lives today. We are a society of hectic, over-scheduled people and in the midst of our "crazy" lives, when do we really have the time to sit down with a brother or sister who needs encouragement or walk with them through their time of hardship? When do we have the time to visit the shut-in? To spend time with the lonely, elderly, or sick...or even to pray for them?

But Paul is clear that encouraging one another is key to a loving church community. He knew firsthand what it was like to be afflicted, isolated, and in dire need of encouragement. He even lists encouragement as a spiritual gift (Rom 12:7-8). He uses here the Greek word, paracletos, which literally means “to call to one’s side,” and is translated as to “exhort,” “urge,” “encourage,” and “comfort.” Exhortation (to emphatically urge someone to do something) isn't always associated with encouragement as much as comforting someone might be. But just as the Holy Spirit—whom Jesus referred to as our “Helper” or “Comforter” (John 14:16, 26; 15:26)—both comforts and convicts us, those with the gift of encouragement will both comfort as well as counsel others, exhorting them to remain true to the Lord with all their hearts—as modeled by Barnabas, “the son of encouragement." (Acts 4:36; Acts 11:23; Acts 13:43).

The words we speak to one another can have huge impact. They can serve to tear us down or build us up. They can further laden a heavy heart, or uplift it with hope. They can feed self-centeredness and self-deception or help to point us to Jesus Christ. Scripture has much to say about the power of the tongue, describing rash words like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise to bring healing (Prov 12:18). The tongue is an outlet for what ever is in the heart; "the good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." (Luke 6:4-5). We should take this seriously, for Jesus said: “But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.” (Matt 12:36-37). And in James we read, "If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless." (James 1:26). In this vein, Paul wrote: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Eph 4:29).

Indeed, anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad (Proverbs 12:25). So, what exactly is a "good word"? To answer this, it's helpful to take a look at what biblical encouragement actually is—and also to identify what it is not:

1. Encouragement is to empathize not to give a pep-talk. To truly comfort some one involves empathy and depth of understanding. When you're dealing with a difficult time of fear and uncertainty, the hollow, "it will be alright," doesn't really cut it, does it? And in the midst of suffering, a cursory, "it will be fine," doesn't resonate. This is because it isn't really true. Things aren't always "alright." Things aren't always going to be "fine." The reality is, sometimes things are difficult, painful, or even tragic. Often, statements like these are defaulted to in order to alleviate the awkwardness of not knowing what to say. To truly empathize with another person, however, there must be a genuine level of emotional commitment to that person. But in a commitment-phobic society in which we're all being pulled in so many different directions, to truly encourage one another is counter-cultural. It involves an investment of time and emotional energy that many of us may not feel we have to give. But Paul reminds us that now more than ever, investing in, and committing to, one another is important. He exhorts us to "consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." (Heb 10:24-25). This involves taking the time to listen to, and trying to understand, what a brother or sister is actually going through. It involves the act of prayerfully loving others as ourselves.

2. Encouragement involves exhortation not enablement. In other words, encouragement is to urge others to rejoice in the hope of the glory of God—not to succumb to, or be overwhelmed by, feelings of hopelessness (Rom 5:2). Enablement, however, perpetuates hopelessness. It's true that misery loves company. But to indulge the fears, insecurities, or pride of others without pointing them to Christ is not to comfort them with everlasting hope, but to provide only temporary relief. Encouragement, on the other hand, is to point them away from their problems to fix their eyes on Jesus. Encouragement, then, must be rooted in the gospel. When Paul tells us to encourage one another and build one another up, he consistently does so in the context of the gospel message. He lays out the basis for our hope and encouragement, which is our "salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him." (1 Thess 9-11).

3. Encouragement is sincere not flattery. We should absolutely give credit where credit is due. Recognizing the achievements of our peers is important. And to live in unity is to celebrate each other's strengths and give thanks for each other's blessings as if they are our own. But encouraging words must be anchored in truth. Speech that is peppered with gushing accolades or disingenuous compliments does not reflect Christ-like love for others. Words of encouragement shouldn't be based on what the other person wants to hear. Instead, Paul urges us to speak the truth in love in order to build up the Body of Christ (Eph 4:15-16). We can especially encourage one another with the truth that God knows, cares for, and loves, each one of us intimately (Psa 139) even though we are sinners. We need to be vigilant, however, that the message of God's amazing love for us doesn't get confused with the popular lie that "you are perfect just as you are." This lie feeds the human desire to remain unchanged and self-antonymous. In effect, it negates our perceived need for sanctification, for submission, and—if taken too far—even for salvation. Thus, Scripture warns us that a man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet (Prov 29:5). Our words of encouragement must be motivated by a desire to glorify God. Furthermore, encouragement involves exhorting one another to boast only in the Lord and to fully rely on God's strength, not enabling self-centered attempts to be self-reliant and confident in our own strength (2 Corinthians 12:9-10; 2 Cor 10:17). When we seek to encourage others, we might ask ourselves, what am I seeking to encourage my fellow believer to hope in? His own abilities? His own success? Or am I ultimately pointing him to Christ for God's glory?

4. Encouragement is self-sacrificial not self-serving. While flattering lips are motivated by self-gain, speaking genuine words of encouragement—speaking the truth in love—can be costly to us. But sometimes, our church communities can be consumer-driven rather than service-minded, seeming more akin to social clubs than spiritual families. They can be full of relationships based on expediency and quick-fix community. Some churches have a tendency to promote organized fun over authentic fellowship. And an overemphasis on common interest- or convenience-based community gives rise to the ever-pressing problem of church cliques and creates an environment devoid of open-heartedness and outreach-mindedness. Stepping out of our comfort zones, social circles, and interest-areas to encourage the lonely and the afflicted with the gospel was clearly modeled by Jesus during His earthly life. But to genuinely comfort a suffering brother or sister can be in be time-consuming, inconvenient, even messy. There isn't always an easy answer to someone's difficult situation or painful condition. Jesus, however, spent time pouring His love into the afflicted, the lost, the weary, the ostracized—not those from whom He would gain something. He didn't work His way up the social ladder or seek out politically expedient relationships. Instead, He made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant (Phil 2:7). Encouragement, then, is to seek first His Kingdom—not a church clique. Indeed, when we step back and look at ourselves, we might consider our own motivations: are we encouraging others selectively so they might like us more or because we want to feel needed? Are we practicing favoritism or are we non-discriminatory in building up the Body of Christ, which transcends personal preferences, along with social, cultural, and even national boundaries?

In light of all this, it is safe to say that encouragement takes courage. It involves self-sacrifice and getting out of our comfort-zone, giving selflessly of our time and energy. It's about avoiding flattery and people-pleasing for self-gain. It may mean addressing inconvenient truths from time-to-time and exhorting others to remain true to the Lord with all their hearts. It may involve getting our hands dirty, dealing with some messy situations, and confronting difficult, even heart-wrenching, realities (not brushing the suffering of our brothers and sisters under the carpet). And because encouragement is about pointing ourselves and others to Christ, it's counter-cultural. Encouragement, therefore, will mean swimming against the tide.

But we can be encouraged by the fact we are not alone. We are empowered by the Holy Spirit to encourage others. We don't have to rely on our own strength to build up the Body of Christ, but can take courage in the Lord's strength. For He will build His church and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it (Matt 16:19). Now that is encouraging!

A Prayer for the Persecuted

Asia Bibi, a Pakistani wife and mother of five, used these words to defend her faith against mocking co-workers who tried to make her convert to Islam: "Our Christ sacrificed His life on the cross for our sins....Our Christ is alive.” She was later convicted of blasphemy and sentenced to death, which she currently awaits in prison (as of May 27, 2014, her appeal has been postponed for the fifth time). Asia has given up everything for her faith: her family, her freedom, and her potentially her life. She has been in prison since 2009.

Once-in-a-while, when I lay in bed at night—home and safe with my family—I think of her. I confess that, often, too much time passes by when I forget to think of her. Life gets busy, I get preoccupied. And then, all of a sudden, I remember her. And I'm struck by how much has happened in my life since the last time I thought of her. But she's still there, waiting on death row. So, then, with a heavy-heart, I pray for her. Sometimes, the prayers seem pointless. It has been so long since she was imprisoned and our prayers seem to be going unanswered. But this is to look at Asia's plight through earthly eyes.

Asia once shared this story with a Christian ministry worker who was able to visit her in prison:

"There is a beautiful thing that happens every day in my cell. Two days after they announced my death penalty, I was brought into [death row]. Every morning around 3:30 or 4, a brown bird with a long beak appears and sits on the boundary wall. This bird also comes every evening around 5. He sits there for 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes in the evening. Later on he became my friend. I talk to him and he also talks to me."

I pray that the bird still visits her. I pray that Asia is not in despair. I pray that seeing the bird reminds her of Jesus' words, "Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" (Matt 6:26). Asia Bibi is so very precious to our great God. She has not been forgotten by the One who loves her, who created her, and gave His life for her. I pray that in the midst of her long-term suffering that she remains encouraged and that she's continually filled with peace that passes understanding and hope that's rooted in Christ.

The Muslim governor of Asia Bibi's home province who fought for her and her family, was brutally murdered by Islamists. Her family lives in fear for their lives and are in hiding. 

Sadly Asia's story is not uncommon. There currently are many Christians being ruthlessly persecuted all over the world. 

In Sudan, a Christian mother and practicing medical doctor, Meriam Yahia Ibrahim (age 27), was recently arbitrarily detained, charged with adultery and apostasy by a Sudanese Public Order Court. She has subsequently been sentenced to death. Because she was born in Sudan, she is considered a Muslim by default, making her marriage to her non-Muslim husband illegal in the eyes of Sudan's Public Order Criminal Code. Adultery and apostasy are each punishable by 100 lashes and death. UPDATE BELOW.

Meriam was heavily pregnant with her second child at the time of her arrest. She gave birth (in a prison clinic with her legs chained) to a baby girl named Maya on May 27, 2014. Her execution has been upheld by the court in Khartoum after she refused to recant her Christian faith, but it will not be carried out until Maya is two-years-old.

The trials of our faithful sisters Asia and Meriam should not be forgotten. Paul urges us to remember those who are in prison as if we ourselves are in prison (Heb 13:3). 

I pray for the release of Asia and Meriam. I pray that they and their families will not lose heart but will be encouraged and have hope. I pray that in their hearts and minds they would echo the words of the Apostle Paul: "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies." (2 Cor 4:8-10). I pray that they will hold on to the truth that "this light momentary affliction is preparing for [them] an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as [they] look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." (2 Cor 4:16-18).

Jesus said, "Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." (Matt 5:10). And He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus! (Rev 22:20).

Sign the petition for Meriam's release here. UPDATE 5/31/14: Due to diplomatic pressure to halt her execution, Sudanese officials announced that they expect to release Meriam soon. Praise God and keep praying!
UPDATE 6/2/14: Now, Sudan is retracting that statement, saying instead that it will wait for a court to rule on her appeal. There is no doubt Sudan is trying to stop the growing wave of international pressure. As her attorneys in Sudan said, "It's a statement to silence the international media. This is what the government does."

International Christian Concern is a great resource to find out how to pray for our persecuted brothers and sisters.

His Unmistakable Presence in the Darkness

Have you ever experienced God's unquestionable presence in the darkest moments of your life? One of my favorite contemporary Christian songs is Laura Story's "Blessings." Her words resonate deeply with me:

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are [God's] mercies in disguise

And this line is from the chorus: "What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know [God's] near?"

Her words are so relatable because we've all been there at some point in our lives: wrestling with anxious thoughts in the middle of the night...enduring pain or fear in the darkness. But it is in the midst of our solitary moments of suffering that the presence of God can become all the more real to us. 

It was during one memorable sleepless night that I went through a few years ago that I experienced God's manifest presence in such a powerful way that I will never forget it. It was in a darkened hospital ward in a foreign country where I lay alone in the small hours of the night. I had been wheeled in from an over-crowded emergency room. Unable to speak the language, I couldn't communicate with anyone and had no idea what was happening to me or the baby I was carrying. But I knew it was touch and go.

And when the nurses left, I lay there in the darkness with nothing but the noises of heavy breathing and occasional moans from the other beds. I was petrified. I remember laying there stiff as a board, not wanting to move even the slightest inch, trying to suppress my tears and my trembling. Next to me was a set of large double doors through which came a sickly fluorescent glow. I remember staring at the ceiling tiles above me, tracing around them with my eyes. I found a cross shape in lines between them and started praying. My prayers were frantic and desperate. I wasn't singing God's praises like the Apostle Paul in the prison cell. I was silently screaming to Him. I was terrified of losing the baby so far into the pregnancy there, alone, in a dark hospital ward with my husband thousands of miles away.

But it is in our loneliest, most desperate moments that God touches us with a peace that can only come from Him. As the dark hours ticked on, I lay and I prayed. And at some point, I became aware that I was actually smiling as I lay there—in fact, I was beaming—and I realized that I had been doing so for quite some time. The tears were gone and the fear had slipped away without me noticing it. I didn't know what was going to happen to me or the baby, but I had the strongest, most comforting sense that someone was sitting next to me in the empty chair at my side. And I literally felt submerged in the presence of God...His lightness had chased away the darkness. The peace and strength I felt did not come from anything I had done myself; I hadn't been meditating, doing breathing exercises, or chanting. I had been panicking. The peace was all from Him. Somehow, He had turned my cries of anguish into prayers of praise, calming my soul with His unmistakable presence. 

It is in the midst of emotional turmoil and overwhelming fear that we can truly experience the peace that passes understanding, for such peace makes no logical sense and transcends our circumstances. It interrupts our frenzied thoughts. In our moments of weakness and desperation, God's strength can be powerfully realized. These experiences show us that we can truly do all things through Him who strengthens us (Phil 4:12-14). These experiences humble us.

The Apostle Paul was no stranger to suffering and desperate situations. He was imprisoned, persecuted, castigated and abandoned by fellow believers, temporarily blinded, and he suffered an ongoing affliction (some commentators have speculated that it was an eye condition resulting from his former blindness). He described his affliction as a "thorn in the flesh," which was given to him to keep him from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations he had received from God. Paul had pleaded with the Lord to take away the affliction, but God said to him, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Paul resolved then, for the sake of Christ, to be "content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities." (2 Cor 12:7-10).

In life, we may well face a tragedy or time of suffering that we can't handle. This is often misunderstood; have you ever heard people say that God will never allow our circumstances to be more than we can handle? It's a misinterpretation of 1 Corinthians 10:13, which states that God "will not let you be tempted beyond your ability." But it's important to note that the verse explicitly refers to temptations, not to trials. Sometimes, God allows us to suffer beyond what we can bear because it is when we can't cope on our own that we're reminded of our dependence on Him. When we turn to Him, He equips us to endure trials in His strength. 

Scripture tells us that the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials, just as He rescued Lot from Sodom (2 Pet 2:7-9). We should certainly pray for deliverance from our trials. But if the answer is "no" or "not yet," we need trust God all the same, knowing that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him (Rom 8:28) and His ways are higher than our ways (Isa 55:8).

Paul encourages us not to despair even when we face terrible, perplexing times of suffering, "for this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison." (1 Cor 4:17). The trials of this life remind us that this world is not our home. We are encouraged, therefore, even to rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope (Rom 5:3-5).  And our trials point us to Christ as the source of our hope. We are encouraged to look forward to the day when the Lord "will wipe away every tear from [our] eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Rev 21:4).

And for now, while we wait on Him, we can rest in the knowledge that God always listens to, and answers, our prayers. He hears our cries. His loving presence is always there. He hems us in behind and before and every day ordained for us was written in His book before it comes to be (Psa 139). We can be strong and courageous, and not live in fear, because the Lord our God is with us wherever we go (Jos 1:9). As we seek our refuge in Him, He will uphold us with His righteous right hand. And we have assurance that our loving God is way bigger than any problem we will ever have to face.