Loving Our Neighbor, Neglecting Our God

Jesus said: “'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matt 22:36-40)

If loving our neighbor is, as Jesus said, the second greatest commandment, then it's certainly vital for Christians to know how to obey it. And in order to obey the commandment, Christians need a biblical understanding of what loving our neighbor actually means.

Knowing how to love our neighbor seems like it should be a clear-cut concept, doesn't it? For it's true that after being pressed for answers by a self-seeking Pharisee, Jesus explained the commandment using the simple parable of the Good Samaritan, who, at his own expense, selflessly cared for a man in need (Luke 10:25-37). The Good Samaritan showed unmerited favor to a man whom others had passed off as unworthy of their love. The parable illustrates the way that loving our neighbor should mirror the nature of God's grace to us; for it was while we were unworthy sinners that Christ died for us (Rom 5:8).

But despite the simple truth exemplified in the parable, the pure, powerful, and gospel-centered meaning of the second greatest commandment has become distorted in our worldly culture today. To love one's neighbor has been twisted into something entirely different from the self-sacrificial love that Jesus demonstrated for us on the Cross. "Loving" others has been reduced to a flimsy paper-chain of feel-good human relationships that flutter and tear in the winds of emotion and circumstance—these relationships aren't rooted in Godly love, but are tied together by a frail substitute.

As the Apostle Paul reminded us, Satan comes disguised as an angel of light. There are many warm and fuzzy expressions of love in the world that may make us feel good for a time. But in actuality, they are cheap counterfeits of the everlasting love we can experience through Christ.

And, tragically, the perverted concept of "loving neighbor" that prevails within our worldly culture has even permeated the hearts and minds of many believers today—as the things of one's cultural context have a habit of doing—adversely affecting the way Christians demonstrate our love to those around us and weakening our ability to truly love God and others.

This is because we have attempted, like the world, to fulfill the second commandment without first fulfilling the greatest commandment: to love God with all of our hearts, souls, and minds—And just as Jesus so aptly indicated when he quoted the greatest commandment, we do need to use our minds (as well as our hearts) to discern how to love our neighbor in a way that honors God and points others to Him.

More specifically, we need to use our minds by delving into a deeper study of God's Word (2 Tim 3:16-17; Josh 1:8; Deut 11:18-23; Acts 17:11; Heb 4:12). Knowing God's Word enables us to distinguish God-honoring love from the counterfeit that our worldly culture promotes. In doing so, it's useful to consider 1) what it actually means to love our neighbor, 2) the underlying reason why worldly love and God-honoring love are two very different things, and 3) why they may appear to be the same thing at first glance.

So, firstly, who is our neighbor? Jesus demonstrated this clearly in the parable of the Good Samaritan; our neighbor is anyone whom we may come across in life. Our neighbor is not a title reserved for certain people based on our personal preferences or political leaning. Our neighbor could be a stranger, a loved one, an acquaintance, an enemy, a fellow believer. And when the opportunity arises, we need to demonstrate God-honoring love toward them. Paul expanded on this in his letter to the Galatians, "Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." (Gal 6:10).

Secondly, we need to determine what God-honoring love is. When John said, "God is love" (1 John 4:8), he points us to the origin of love, for in the previous verse, he writes unequivocally, “love is from God” (1 John 4:7). Therefore, love doesn't first originate with us, but in God. As John further explains, "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." (1 John 4:10). John used here the Greek term agape, a form of agapeis, which is also used by Jesus (agapaō) when he quotes the greatest commandments. The essence of agape-love is unconditional self-sacrifice. The purest expression of love was demonstrated by Christ's death on the Cross. And it is the Holy Spirit who empowers us to love God and love others in a truly self-sacrificial way.

Loving our neighbor in light of the first and greatest commandment is to love others in a way that first honors—and in no way neglects—our God.

Because God-honoring love is not self-seeking (1 Cor 13:6), but is self-sacrificial, living it out can be costly to us. Having God-honoring love for our neighbor motivates us to die to self (Luke 9:23; Gal 2:20). It can cost us material possessions, time, even friendships and popularity! For because God-honoring love is of the Spirit and not of this world, it is often rejected by the world. And because God-honoring love rejoices with the truth (1 Cor 13:6) it can cause offense. Indeed, God-honoring love cannot be separated from truth. God is love, just as He is truth, for not only did John say, "God is love," but Jesus also said, "I am the truth." (John 14:6). Because of this, if we truly love someone, our strongest motivation will be to share the saving truth of the gospel with them and to point them to Christ.

But, worldly love—the fleshly love of a world that has rejected Christ—does not rejoice with the truth and it is ultimately self-seeking.

Loving others in the flesh may appear, at first glance, to be the same thing as loving others in the Spirit. This because all humans are made in the image of God and therefore reflect His likeness—imperfectly albeit. Each of us has, for example, an innate desire to give and receive love and occasionally even to sacrifice ourselves for those we love. For as Paul tells us, the law—summed up by Jesus in the two greatest commandments—is written on the hearts of men (Rom 2:15). We all have a God-given conscience that bares witness to this law in our hearts; We are all pre-wired to express and to seek love.

Yet while the law is written on the hearts of men, the fulfillment of that law is another story. Paul says, "but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous." (Rom 2:13). And to fully obey the law is impossible without Christ; Paul also writes: "For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit." (Rom 8:3-4). If we live in the flesh, then, we are unable to fulfill the law to love God and neighbor. But if we live in the Spirit, the righteous requirement of the law is fully met in us, through Christ, not through ourselves.

Loving others without loving God first is a fleshly and corruptible way of expressing our natural propensity to love. It will ultimately lead to a self-serving, consumerist form of "love" that actually takes away from God and other people more than it gives. For Scripture is clear that to live—and love—in the flesh alone is to be bound by sin and death (Rom 8:13). Without being made righteous in Christ, we cannot love others in a God-honoring way with a love that endures forever.
It's vital, then, that the second commandment is viewed in light of, and motivated by, the first and greatest commandment: to love God with all our hearts, souls, and minds.

Despite this, however, there are many Christians today who are failing to love their neighbors in a God-honoring way. This isn't necessarily for lack of effort; the theme of loving our neighbor has been more strongly emphasized of late among Christian preachers and within many churches. And this is a good thing. But if loving our neighbor becomes the ultimate thing, then it actually becomes a bad thing. For anything that takes God's place in our hearts is an idol. And unfortunately, it is a misapplication of the second greatest commandment that has, in fact, led to unbiblical patterns of behavior within the Church that fail to uphold the gospel and instead mimic the flimsy, paper-chain love of our worldly culture.

These unbiblical applications of loving neighbor are widespread and are sometimes so subtle that they fly under the radar. They can, however, be identified by the following behaviors, some specific examples of which are sadly all-too common among Christians today:

Part I: When loving neighbor becomes pleasing [postmodern] people
Part II: When loving neighbor promotes tolerance over truth
Part III: When loving neighbor puts friendship before faith (coming soon)
Part IV: When loving neighbor turns peace into pluralism (coming soon)
Part V: When loving neighbor emphasizes humanitarianism over evangelism (coming soon)

Why I Am Not a Hopeless Romantic

Don't get me wrong. I love the stuff of classic romance novels...the aloof Mr Darcy's inner torment over Elizabeth...the explosive love of Benedick and Beatrice...and the improper love of George Emerson for Lucy Honeychurch. I also love getting flowers from my husband on Valentines Day and having a candle-lit dinner once-in-a-while. But, I am far from a hopeless romantic. Let's face it: Our culture is obsessed with looooooooove. Love is presented to us in a chocolate-box variety of assorted shapes and flavors like the saccharin, gooey kind of love you find at the end of a feel-good movie. Or the dark and salty kind of love bemoaned by angsty pop singers. Or the nutty variety seen in the insipid gushiness of contestants on The Bachelor. 

In a sex-saturated culture that is breaking free from old taboos, love comes in all sorts of packaging. Nowadays, we are presented with a colorful array of choices when it comes to love—monogamy, polygamy, polyandry, polyamory—along with a glittering selection of orientations to make the mind boggle. The possibilities are endless. Love, it seems, is everywhere in our anything-goes culture. And if it feels good, it is good.

There is certainly a huge market of consumers in demand of chocolate-box love. But this is a godless form of love that is grabby and self-serving. It is a love that drains, consumes, and depletes. Through the Holy Spirit are we empowered to love God and love others in a self-sacrificial way—a truly Christ-like way. But, loving others in our own strength, as well-intended as it may be, often ends up being self-serving because of our fallen nature. Even if it masquerades as selfless on the surface, this type of love often serves the self in one way or another; it gives us a sense of purpose, a sense of being needed, or something to worship, or someone to love us back. At its core, it is consumer-driven love that cannot last. Like chocolate, once eaten, it ultimately leaves us wanting for more. It gives us immediate gratification, but cannot sustain us for the long-haul. 

Chocolate-box love has a voracious appetite, consuming and idolizing the objects of it's infatuation. It can lead people to worship their significant other—or a fanciful idea of that person—in place of God. This unhealthy form of love eventually burns out revealing itself to be an ephemeral counterfeit of the real thing. But the love of God endures forever! In a godly marriage, spouses endeavor to love God first, and each other second only to Him—fostering mutual love and respect, rather than idol worship or co-dependency. A marriage like this will weather the hard times, being built on an eternal foundation.

We know from Scripture that God is love (1 John 4:8) and He is the origin of love (1 John 4:7). The gospel is rooted in love (John 3:16). The purest form of love is revealed in Jesus’s death on the cross. The Greek term for love used by John to describe God in 1 John 4:8 is agape, a form of agapeis, which is also used by Jesus (agapaō) when he quotes the greatest commandments to love God and others (Matt 22:37-38). The essence of agape love is self-sacrifice. True love, then, is not self-seeking (1 Cor 13:6), but glorifies God, who is its source.

Godly love is patient and kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud (1 Cor 13:4). But pride and jealousy are often at the heart of chocolate-box love. Jealousy insights us to be possessive over the one we love. Pride—an unhealthy form of self-love—demands that the object of our affection meets all of our needs. Pride is even paraded with rainbows on banners in the name of love. Godly love, on the other hand, does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth (1 Cor 13:5). Godly love does not diminish, devalue, or distort. Instead, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Cor 13:7). 

The love of God gives birth to ever-lasting hope—hope that is in Christ Jesus. It is so encouraging to know that we can truly love others in God's strength, with a love that points others to Him. In light of this, I want to build the love I have for my husband on this hope, not on some hopeless romance!

What is Love?

Mysterious, elusive love. It mystifies and enchants. It both elates and sickens. It provides endless inspiration for artistic expression in music, painting, poetry, prose, film—not to mention the nostalgic lyrics of a one-hit-wonder: What is love? Baby don't hurt me no more! Like in this [pretty annoyingly] catchy song, love often mingles with pain in these contexts. Perhaps this is why a heart pierced with an arrow is so often used to symbolize love! The pursuit of love can indeed lead us down a lonely rabbit trail of sin and suffering. Our yearning for it can give rise to desperation, obsession, and compulsion. We are all on a quest to grasp it, to earn it, to experience it. Some of us find it, many of us don't. This is because many things that aren't actually love masquerade as the real thing: lust, infatuation, idol-worship, hopeless romance, people-pleasing, co-dependency, neediness...all these things can feign love.

But what is love actually?

The concept of "love" is central to biblical truth. We know from Scripture that God is love (1 John 4:8). The gospel is rooted in love (John 3:16). The purest form of love is revealed in Jesus’s death on the cross. And we are admonished to love God above all else and to love others as ourselves (Matt 22:37-38). So what does godly love look like?

The Greek term for love used by John to describe God in 1 John 4:8 is agape, a form of agapeis, which is also used by Jesus (agapaō) when he quotes the greatest commandments to love God and others (Matt 22:37-38). The essence of agape love is self-sacrifice. True love, then, is not self-seeking (1 Cor 13:6). And it is the Holy Spirit who empowers us to love God and love others in a truly self-sacrificial way. Because Godly love is self-sacrificial, living it out can be costly to us. It can cost us material possessions, time, relationships, popularity, and can be really inconvenient! It motivates us to die to self (Luke 9:23; Gal 2:20). Because it is not of this world, it is often rejected by the world. But, loving others without the Holy Spirit often involves a self-serving, consumerist form of "love" that actually takes away from God and other people more than it gives.

When John says, "God is love" (1 John 4:8), he points us to the origin of love, for in the previous verse, he writes unequivocally, “love is from God” (1 John 4:7). This brings up the question, can we truly love without God?

Humans are made in the image of God, and so we have an innate desire to give and receive love. Paul tells us that the law—summed up by Jesus in the greatest commandments to love God and love neighbor—is written on the hearts of men (Rom 2:15). We all have a God-given conscience that bares witness to the law in our hearts. We are pre-wired to express and seek love. While the law is written on the hearts of men, however, the fulfillment of that law is another story. Paul says, "but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous." (Rom 2:13). And to fully obey the law is impossible without Christ; Paul also writes: "For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit." (Rom 8:3-4). If we live in the flesh, then, we are unable to fulfill the law to love God and neighbor. But if we live in the Spirit, the righteous requirement of the law is fully met in us, through Christ, not through ourselves. So, God-honoring love is not possible without Christ.

But wait! you might say, I know loving, self-sacrificial people who aren't Christians! This is true. I do too. Because we are made in God's image, we all have an intrinsic ability to love others. Parents love their children, just as God the Father loves His children, for example. We were made in His likeness. It is also true that courageous acts of self-sacrificial love have been performed by people who do not know Christ. But here's the tragedy of a love without God: loving neighbor without loving God doesn't fulfill the first and greatest commandment of the law. It attempts to fulfill the second commandment to love others, but is an act of the flesh, not of the Spirit. And we know that living in the flesh is to live in sin and death (Rom 8:13). This is tough to swallow isn't it? Even courageous acts of martyrdom that have been performed by those who live in the flesh are like filthy rags before a Holy God! As it is written, "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away." (Isa 64:6). Scripture is clear that to live—and love—in the flesh alone is to be bound by sin and death. Without being made righteous in Christ, we cannot love others in a God-honoring way with a love that endures forever. While acts of self-sacrificial love can be inspiring to many people and can be a blessing to others, they do not glorify God if they are performed in the flesh. In actuality, they are not truly righteous acts of love because righteousness is only found in Christ. But loving others in the Spirit always glorifies God because it cannot be achieved in human strength, so that the glory goes to Him! 

In His Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, “You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48). Our natural response to this would be: but I can't be perfect! That is true...who has ever succeeded in loving the Lord with all their heart, soul, mind and strength and their neighbor as themselves? We have a problem: our fallen, sinful nature. But we shouldn't be discouraged when we fail to love God and others perfectly. Christians are not perfect. We are in a daily battle against the temptation to live in our own strength and take back control from God. When we fail, the important thing to remember is that our righteousness is imputed to us through our faith in Christ—not through our own effort. And for those who are in Christ there is no condemnation (Rom 8:1)! So, we need not be slaves to guilt! 

Indeed, love covers a multitude of sins (1 Pet 4:8) and the love of God endures forever. Take a moment to absorb this...God's love never fizzles out, or shrivels up like a leaf. It cannot be swayed by sin. It is unconditional and unchanging. Godly love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Cor 13:7). It endures in perfect form for eternity! Godly love never ends in pain like the tragic love of a hopeless romance or in the death of an unbeliever. (Instead of an arrow-pierced heart, perhaps a heart with a crown over it is a more fitting symbol of love!). Godly love never fails (1 Cor 13:8). How amazing it is that Godly love never fails. 

And Godly love rejoices with the truth (1 Cor 13:5). Love without God, on the other hand, is not rooted in absolute truth, and so it is relative. It is vulnerable to being tossed back and forth by waves of human teaching, emotion, and circumstance because it is not anchored in truth. But Jesus said, "I am the truth." (John 14:6). So to love God, as Jesus commanded us, is to love the truth. Paul further demonstrates this when he says: "wickedness deceives those who are perishing. They perish because they refused to love the truth and so be saved." (2 Thes 2:10). The truth of the gospel is the purest expression of love. God is love just as He is truth. Truth and love are inseparable—inextricably intertwined. Truth and love are completely submerged and saturated in each other! In Christ, therefore, love actually is truth!

Love Actually...Is Truth!

When blogging about the Christian worldview and framing apologetics arguments there is typically—at least, there should be!—a heavy dose of truth involved. But what does Paul mean when he admonished us to "speak the truth in love"? I think Paul was making an important point here, the subtlety and profoundness of which can be easily missed. An obvious response to this verse would be: "Well, Paul is saying we shouldn't bash people over the head with the truth because that wouldn't be loving." This may be true, but I think Paul's statement goes way deeper than that. I think it's worth exploring some further questions:

What does Paul mean by love?

It is useful to view Paul's statement in the context of Jesus' teaching[1] that the first and greatest commandment was "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind" (Matt 22:37) and the that the second is like it: "‘Love your neighbor as yourself'" (Matt 22:38). If we consider Paul's statement in light of these two commandments on which "all the Law and the Prophets hang" (Matt 22:40), we can deduce that Paul is telling us to speak the truth as an outworking of our love of God and of people—not, on the other hand, as inspired by our love of the world, our love of popular approval, or our love of ourselves. The Greek term for love Paul uses here is agape, a form of agapeis, which is also used by Jesus (agapaō) when he quotes the greatest commandments. The essence of agape love is self-sacrifice. So then, speaking the truth should be done in self-sacrificial love as modeled by Jesus Christ. It should primarily be to glorify God, and also be edifying to those who hear it. And speaking the truth may be costly to us.

The Holy Spirit empowers us to love God and love others in a self-sacrificial way. Loving others without the Holy Spirit involves a self-serving, consumerist form of love that actually takes away from God and other people more than it gives. This may not be immediately evident when we observe acts of love that are done in human strength such as generosity, kindness, or charity, for example. Humans are created in the image of God, so we naturally gravitate toward the notion of doing good unto others. But, loving others in our own strength, as well-intended as it may be, will ultimately end up being self-serving because of our fallen nature. Loving others certainly can provide us with a whole lot of earthly perks: a warm and fuzzy feeling; popularity and a good reputation; a wholesome family environment; a better marriage; a safer community to live in, etc. Loving others in our own strength, however, hardly ever leads us to speak the truth in love. Instead, it's more likely to move us to smooth things over and make everything comfortable. It can lead us to ignore inconvenient truths and live in denial. It can lead to double-mindedness, flattery, and people-pleasing. Living in the power of the Holy Spirit, on the other hand, gives us a supernatural ability to genuinely love others self-sacrificially. Christ-like love, however, is often rejected by the world and doesn't necessarily come with all the earthly perks we might desire.

What does Paul mean by truth?

We can see from the passage above, that the alternative to speaking the truth in love is spiritual immaturity (being like "infants") and susceptibility to being to being deceived by every wind of teaching and the deceitful scheming of other people (Eph 4:14-16). Paul, then, is urging us to teach others to obey God's commandments so that they will not be caught up in circumstances or be deceived by false teaching, but will instead be anchored in the truth so that they will mature and be built up in the Body of Christ. This is the essence of discipling others just as Jesus articulated before His ascension to heaven, when He said, "go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you." (Matt 28:19-20). Teaching the truth about God's commands as laid out in His Word is an integral part of discipling others and building up the Body of Christ.  

Paul admonished believers to handle the "Word of truth" accurately (2 Tim 2:15). Paul made it clear that the only way to do this was to first understand that it is in Christ alone that all truth is rooted. Speaking rigidly about the law like the Pharisees did is not what Paul meant by handling the Word of truth accurately. Paul resolved to "boast in nothing except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." (Gal 6:14). While Paul stayed with the Corinthian believers, he described how, "When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power." (1 Cor 2:1-5). Speaking the truth, then, must be Christ-centered and must not rely on human wisdom, but on the power of God. Because speaking the truth in love rejects human wisdom, and centers on the stumbling block of Christ, it may often be offensive others. 

What does Paul mean by "in"?

The little word, "in," carries a lot of weight here. Paul's admonishes us to speak the truth "in" love. He doesn't talk about speaking the truth "with" love or speaking the truth "about" love.  I think there is a subtle but significant distinction here. 

Firstly, in his use of the word, "in," Paul presents love as the context for our speech. In other words, loving actions and behavior towards others should provide the backdrop for speaking the truth. Young Life's founder, Jim Rayburn, talks about "earning the right to be heard" when ministering to young people and sharing the gospel with them. The gospel is best communicated within a context of friendship or loving outreach. I think Paul is saying something similar here: the truth is better received when it's delivered within the context of Christ-like love. 

Interestingly, Paul didn't say speak love, he said speak truth. He isn't talking here about love as the content of what is being spoken. Have you ever heard the saying, "actions speak louder than words?" Simply saying nice things to some one without backing up our words with loving actions is disingenuous. Love is more authentically demonstrated in the way we treat others than in our words alone. Therefore, we need to shoot for doing love, and speaking truth. This doesn't mean that we shouldn't express love verbally. Often, verbal expressions of love will merge with truth. For example, I tell my husband and daughters how much I love them all the time. I am speaking the truth about my love for them! Setting out to speak truth in love is different from setting out to speak words of love alone, which can quickly devolve into flattery and empty words. We need to be sure that our speech is not peppered with gushing expressions of flattery that do not truthfully reflect Christ-like love for others. In the same way, speaking words of encouragement to others, unless anchored in biblical truth, can too easily turn into people-pleasing even though our intentions were good to begin with. This is true of those who emphasize tolerance and cultural sensitivity over biblical truth in the name of loving their neighbor, which usually leads to watering down the gospel. But Paul urged the Galatians to "act in line with the truth of the gospel" (Gal 2:14). We need, then, to be careful that the things we do and say are not aimed at pleasing people first, but God first. 

Secondly, Paul's use of the word "in" shows that love should be our motive for speaking the truth. Our motive for speaking the truth should be rooted in our love of God and our love of people. The fact is, if we truly love some one, we will want to be honest with them. If you saw some one you loved dearly going down a path of self-destruction, you would do what you could to save them. In actuality, the only life-preserver that will save some one who's spiritually drowning, is the gospel. This should be our motivation behind speaking the truth: to help others find the way, which is Christ Jesus. 

Keeping our motives pure can be costly. It can cost us friendships, popularity, and can be really inconvenient! I am a people-pleaser by nature and as a result I am constantly struggling with the temptation to do and say things that I think will make people happy or make people like me more. At times, it has been tempting for me to make a friend feel better about a problem they are having, rather than speaking the truth to them about their situation. The truth can make us uncomfortable. This can lead us to brush it under the rug, or tell ourselves a different, more palatable story. In doing this, however, we put our feelings before our obedience to God.

I believe that people-pleasing is the essence of what is wrong with the emergent churches movement in which cultural-sensitivity often trumps biblical truth. In this context, the desire to make to make people feel better, and more comfortable, is more important that teaching obedience to God as Jesus commanded us to do. Turning a blind-eye to inconvenient truths and watering down the gospel so as not to "turn people off" might be pleasing to people, but it is disobedient to God. 

Paul, on the other hand, spoke a lot of truth even when it was costly to him. He angered Jewish leaders and Roman officials, which landed him in prison and led ultimately to his execution under Emperor Nero. He also spent a good deal of time refuting false teaching in his letters to the early churches. And he addressed issues of sin—often with black-and-white, hard-hitting truth. But for Paul, the central, vital, life-giving truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ was what really mattered. In the Epistles, Paul comes back over and over again to the gospel of Christ as being central to his ministry. He showed us that our faith should be firmly rooted in the gospel, so that we will not be blown about by every wind of teaching. It is the transformative power of the gospel that is the driving force behind Paul's endeavor to speak the truth in love. 

Finally, by using the word, "in," Paul shows that the nature of Christ-centered truth is essentially inseparable from love. It is the purest expression of love. Truth is, by its very nature, completely submerged and saturated in love! Love actually is truth. As demonstrated above, love without truth is people-pleasing. But just as dangerous is truth without love, which can lead to hard-headed legalism, hatred, and division. Truth without love is like faith without deeds. And we know from James that faith without deeds is dead: "Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder." (James 2:18-19). 

Head-knowledge alone doesn't save us, for even the demons know the truth. I have known people who have a keen grasp of theological concepts and can even articulate the atonement, for example, with amazing precision. However, their hearts have been unchanged by the gospel. Head-knowledge alone doesn't change the heart. We know from Scripture that, "knowledge puffs up while love builds up" (1 Cor 8:1). Head-knowledge can be a source of pride—an unhealthy form of self-love that turns us away from God. If we don't experience heart-change in response to the truth of the gospel, our faith is dead. Truth without love, then, is nullified for Christ-centered truth cannot exist apart from love.

When should we speak truth in love and when should we remain silent?

If love is our motive for speaking the truth, this should cause us to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit in discerning when we should speak and when we should remain silent. Sometimes, I have found that holding my tongue with regards to a friend's sinful pattern of behavior and praying for them has born more fruit than if I had confronted them right then and there. We should certainly err on the side of showing grace to some one who is suffering from depression, or to some one who would be discouraged from accepting the gospel by having to deal with heavy-hitting truth before being given new eyes to see. Confronting a sin issue in a brother- or sister-in-Christ is best done with humility and gentleness. We should also live by example. If we are truly humble, we will have a teachable heart ourselves and allow others the same freedom to speak truth to us when needed. Speaking the truth should go both ways! We have to be willing not only to give it but to receive it as well!

The practice of "accountability" between Christians has grown in popularity over the last decade or two; many Christians are in "accountability groups" as a means to dealing with besetting sin, it's increasingly common to have "accountability partners," and we often ask our fellow believers to "hold us accountable" when we're dealing with a difficult relationship or situation. I think these are great ways to encourage each other to grow spiritually and to guard against pride and self-righteousness in our hearts. I also think that the practice of holding other Christians accountable can go over-board (as can happen with any trend in behavior). We can too easily tip the balance from speaking the truth in love into nagging people or hitting them over the head with THE TRUTH. If we are tempted to be judgmental and critical of a fellow believer, church, or ministry we should check our motive: is it to prove we are right about something, or to point that person, church, or ministry back to the gospel from which they may have strayed? Is speaking the truth in this situation necessary to guard against false teaching that undermines the gospel? Are we holding a friend accountable, with gentleness and humility, for their own good or is it more about venting our grievances? 

There are plenty of things happening in Christianity today that may make us angry: the emergent church; the prosperity gospel; and the problem of worldliness seeping into Christian culture. All of these things get me really fired up. I think this is righteous anger. And I think we need to address these issues head on, for issues such as these directly impact the gospel-centrality of the Christian faith. But there are other issues to which we should respond primarily with grace, because they don't directly affect the gospel. Satan cannot destroy the gospel. Therefore, he will do all he can to distract us from it and cause division among Christians. Some Christians get all wrapped around the axle about peripheral matters like whether or not to have a Christmas tree due to its "pagan origins" or whether or not to let our kids believe in Santa, and then lambaste other Christians who don't have the same perspective. But these minor issues distract us from what really matters. We can also be over-critical of our fellow believers, obsessing over each other's differences and flaws, which can lead to pride, hatred, and division.

As the key passage from Ephesians above illuminates, the building up of the Body should be a strong motivator for us as believers. We should, therefore, avoid causing disunity in the church unnecessarily. We need to speak up, however, in situations when the truth of the gospel is compromised in any way. Speaking the truth in love within the context of defending the gospel will culminate in strengthening the Body of Christ, even though there may be those that fall away as a result.

Most importantly, we should speak up when it comes to matters of salvation. Jesus did not beat around the bush when it came to this. He mentioned hell 23 times as is recorded in the Gospels. When Jesus went to dinner at a Pharisee's home, for example, He told the Pharisees, "Woe to you experts in the law, because you have taken away the key to knowledge. You yourselves have not entered, and you have hindered those who were entering." (Luke 11:52) Not exactly cordial dinner conversation! Jesus was far more concerned with speaking the truth to them than sparing their feelings and sticking to safe topics of discussion. And from this passage we also learn that knowing the law is not enough. The disciples came to Jesus and told Him the Pharisees were offended by what He had been saying (Matt 15:12). But, Jesus answered that the Pharisees’ failure to see the truth right in front of them would be their downfall and He continued to uphold the truth, even when it offended people.

When a rich young man ran up to Jesus and fell on his knees before Him, asking “Good teacher…what must I do to inherit eternal life?" (Mark 10:17), Jesus spoke forthrightly and told him to leave everything he had and follow Him. The man went away sadly because he had great wealth (Mark 10:22). But the Bible also tells us that, “Jesus looked at him and loved him.” (Mark 10:21). It was because Jesus loved the man so much that He spoke the truth to him. The Greek word for love that Mark uses here is again agapaō—agape love. Jesus looked at the man with self-sacrificial love. By speaking the truth to Him, Jesus did not try to win him over right then and there, but caused him to walk away sadly. Jesus didn't tell the man what he wanted to hear in order to gain a new follower. He didn't focus on the common ground between the rich young man and Himself. Instead, Jesus showed him the cavernous rift that was between them. He wanted the man to hear what was good for him. If we really love some one, we will want to be truthful with them even if they reject us because of it.

What about "hot button," controversial issues like homosexuality and abortion? 

When should we speak up? When should we remain silent? A canned response to this does not suffice; we need to prayerfully seek God's guidance on a case-by-case basis and ask for discernment when addressing controversial issues. We need to ask, is this is a situation in which we are required to take a biblical stand for the sake of the gospel? Or is this a situation in which debating a controversial issue with an unbeliever is going to be a distraction from the gospel? It is important to make the distinction between sin in our culture and the sin of individuals. Like I blogged about in my previous post on Inconvenient Truths, we should stand firmly (but not always loudly) against the former, and show grace towards the latter, being truthful always. We should absolutely defend the rights of the unborn who have no power to defend themselves. But in advocating for traditional marriage and the right to life, we should never lambaste gay people or pro-choice activists with angry personal attacks. 

It is also important to treat the sin of individual unbelievers differently from the sin of Christians. Unbelievers are not held to the same standards as those who are born again, because they are not indwelt by the Holy Spirit and have not yet been made new in Christ. We should love them, pray for them, and witness to them about the hope that is in Christ—not focus on their sins. Believers, on the other hand, are called to put off the old self that was governed by deceitful desires and put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness (Eph 4:22-24). We are told to distance ourselves from those within the Body of Christ who are unrepentant about living a life of sin, and to welcome them back as soon as they repent. I Corinthians 5 provides a great model for how to confront immorality in the church. I don't think Christians do enough to turn away from sin in our churches and as a result, we are becoming increasingly indistinguishable from the world.

What is the exact right balance between truth and love?

The exact right balance of love and truth is almost impossible for anyone (except Jesus) to achieve. A formulaic answer to this question is not sufficient, but we can at least endeavor to do love and speak truth in the power of the Holy Spirit, while prayerfully seeking to glorify God in all we do and say. And before we get too overwhelmed by the prospect of tipping the balance too far one way or the other, we can remind ourselves that quite simply love actually is truth.

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[1] Despite claims that Paul was not familiar with the teachings of Jesus, the Pauline Epistles clearly echo what Jesus taught throughout. There is a growing tendency to deny this and under-value the prescriptive significance of Paul's letters as a result. Although Paul did not spend time with Jesus during His earthly ministry, we know that Paul was very familiar with the Jesus traditions having spent so much time in ministry with those who had known Him personally like Peter, Barnabas, and John Mark. While Paul gives instructions similar to those of Jesus it is true that he does not cite specific quotations often. Paul did not feel the need to specifically reference Jesus' teachings often because they were so well known by his readers at the time. Paul had already taught the Jesus traditions when he planted the churches initially. For the Post-Easter church, Jesus was significant not so much as a teacher but more as the Christ who had died and risen. Paul concentrates on the Christ event in a post-Easter context, but is clearly guided by the general spirit of Jesus’ teachings.There are, in fact, 25 places where Paul makes references or allusions to a saying of Jesus.