The Humility Paradox: Keeping it Real...or Just Really Awful?

Here's a paradoxical truth: True humility exudes confidence. 

Yep. The most humble person you'll ever meet will at the same time be the absolute most confident, most assured person you'll ever meet!

How can this be?

Because humility, in its purest form, is to seek your identity not in yourself, but in your Savior. For if you have truly died to self, then you can truly live in Christ. And if your identity is rooted in Him, so is your confidence! "For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught." (Prov 23:6).

Sadly, however, there is a growing trend among Christians to lead with their failures in an effort to "keep it real" and "stay humble." Increasingly, they publicly beat themselves up. They wallow in their weaknesses. They air their dirty laundry.

But for all intents and purposes, this self-deprecating behavior could be considered a form of humblebragging. For leading with one's failures is becoming a popular way for Christians to draw attention to how "humble" they are.

But that's not keeping it real. That's just really awful.

Why?

...Because this tragic misunderstanding of what it means to be humble distracts us from the power of the Cross.

...Because when we lead with our failures, we've actually committed the biggest failure of all: we have failed to glorify God.

...Because leading with our failures is false humility, which is actually rooted in pride. Essentially, it is self-absorption.

...Because when we lead with our failures, we have moved our focus from the holy He, to the sinful Me. And that is pretty awful.

I'm not good at that. I'm not gifted at that. I'm not as good as he is at that. I can't do what she can. I fail at this. I stink at that.

Did you notice that these ostensibly self-deprecating statements all start with an "I"? But the problem is, if your spiritual dialogue constantly starts with "I" instead of "He" then you're likely idolizing yourself in God's place.

This is not to say that we shouldn't be honest about our failings. We're all sinners. We all screw up. We all get discouraged. By no means should we pretend otherwise.

And we should absolutely confess our sins to one another! But we should not confess our sins with the goal of appearing "humble" or "real" to our friends/audience. Our ultimate goal should be to turn from that sin and to embrace our true righteousness in Christ. When we do this, we take the spotlight off ourselves, and place it on Him. We fix our eyes on Jesus!

In fact, truly humble believers will not only exude confidence, but they will actually be terribly boastful people when it comes to their Savior and what He has done for them. As Paul puts it, "May I never boast except in the Cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." (Gal 6:14).

So, then, let's not be a people of humblebraggers. Let's be a people of Christ-boasters! Because that is really keeping it real!

Nothing But Christ Crucified

When you've hit rock-bottom, and are saved into His grace, you really get it. The Apostle Paul was a religiously zealous and learned man before he met Christ on the road to Damascus. But he was a wicked murderer and persecutor of Christians. God had let him hit rock-bottom so he could more powerfully grasp the extent of His great mercy and forgiveness. When Paul was saved, he truly knew what it meant to be born again. And, with humility, he died to self and resolved to know nothing but Christ crucified (1 Cor 2:2). By going in the power of the Holy Spirit, he ultimately became the world's greatest missionary and church planter.

Tommie Scott was a drug-dealer and Crips gang member who earned the nickname, "Hit Man," on the streets of LA. When he heard the gospel in prison and accepted it, his unprecedented transformation was much like that of Paul. Tommie realized how truly amazing God's grace is, when he was saved from a rock-bottom past steeped deeply in sin. Like Paul, he had destroyed the lives of many others. But he had been forgiven through the blood of Christ. And because of this, he couldn't stop sharing the life-changing good news everywhere he went—in prison, at bus stops, on the street, with his girlfriend and kids. He wasn't trained in evangelism or schooled in theology. But when he first believed in prison, he read the Bible through two times in three months. He posted a Proverb every day on the prison wall for all to see. He brought 40 other inmates to Christ. The Word of God is living and active and it lives in Tommie Scott. To this day, he preaches the gospel in the power of the Holy Spirit with humility and conviction. See his testimony.

Our churches need to get back to the basics. We need to stop strategizing about how to outreach and start sharing the gospel. We need to stop marketing our faith and start living it. We need to stop peddling religious goods and services and start making disciples. We need to stop finessing and tweaking the Christian message to make it more culturally appealing in a world that has rejected Christ and start teaching the truth plainly (2 Cor 4:2). We need to stop trying to control things and start trusting, and participating, in God's promise that He will build His Church (Matt 16:18). We need to stop trying to get ahead of the cultural curve, and start living counter-cultural lives as foreigners in the world. We need to stop giving lip-service to "loving neighbor" and actually do it by sharing Christ with them.

I have had some rock-bottoms in my life. I know what life is like without God. Now it's time to let God turn our rock-bottoms into a new song of praise for the One who redeems! So then, with humility, let's resolve to know nothing but Christ crucified and let His Kingdom come.

More of Him, Less of Me

A few years ago, shortly after the birth of my second child, the following words of the Apostle John struck me with renewed impact: "He must become greater; I must become less." (John 3:30).

The Word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (Heb 4:12). Sometimes, hearing a familiar verse we may have already heard many times can impact us unexpectedly with more clarity and power than ever before.

This was the case for me one day when I was in the midst of struggling with what I've come to look back on as my most difficult year so far as a parent. The transition from a one-child to a two-child family is a uniquely challenging time that many mothers (and fathers) can relate to. Juggling the pressing needs of both a toddler and an infant at the same time—especially for the first time—is no small feat!

And it seemed like I was floundering through every minute of every day, each of which I counted down frantically until my husband came home. What made it all the more challenging was that my new baby was a constant, inconsolable screamer. I remember a sympathetic friend saying to me once, "Oh, I am so sorry..." when she encountered the nails-on-a-blackboard screeching noise that was erupting from the little red face in my arms. I found it so hard that sometimes, out of desperation, I would put both the kids in the car and drive around aimlessly with ear plugs in! (In fact, they were industrial-grade ear protection muffs that I had found in the garage). I remember my husband calling me one time, when I was out on one of these destination-less drives, complaining that he was battling rush hour traffic in the rain and he'd be late. Embarrassing as it is to admit, I found myself  screaming down the phone above the child-generated cacophony, "Well, I'm driving around in rush hour traffic in the rain BY CHOICE, because ANYTHING is better than being at home right now!!!!"

In fact, there is much of that year that I can't even remember. Maybe, I had found it so traumatic that I've actually blocked it out! So much so that when I had my third baby recently, I realized that I was leaning on all my experience from my first infant because I couldn't hardly remember anything about my time with the second!

But it was during this time that God blessed me with what have become life-changing words for me. The phrase, "More of Him, less of me," started surfacing in my mind with increasing frequency and impact during that year. Sometimes, when I felt like I was suffocating, I would take a moment to breath in, praying, more of You, and breath out, less of me. It was a short, but profoundly calming prayer in the midst of the chaos.

John 3:30 has since become a "life verse" for me. I love it because it keeps my eyes fixed on Him (and not so much on myself). It shows me that where I am weak, He is strong. When I am empty, He fills me up. It reminds me that God doesn't need me to do anything for Him (because He's God!), but He allows me to enjoy the privilege of serving Him and He equips me to do His work. It reminds me that my identity needs to be in Him, not in my self-image or in how the world see me. He repeatedly shows me that the more I die to myself, the more I truly live in Him, for to live is Christ, and to die is gain (Phil 1:21). And the more I let go of control, the more freedom I actually have in Him.

The concept of seeking to honor and glorify God as opposed to seeking self-advancement, or self-truth, is counter-cultural and goes against the grain of human nature. Society will tell us to "put ourselves first," and that "we deserve the best life has to offer." We'll often hear that we are slaves to religious dogma and prisoners to our restrictive Christian beliefs. And our hearts may tell us to please ourselves, and disregard God's Word. But the human heart is deceitful above all things (Jer 17:9). And this temporal world that has rejected Christ will one day be gone. To die to self is to set our hearts and minds on what is eternal.

Jesus spoke repeatedly to His disciples about taking up their cross (a symbol of self-sacrifice) and following Him. He made it clear that if anyone would follow Him, they must deny themselves, which means surrendering their lives—spiritually, symbolically, and even physically, if necessary. He taught that those who would give up their life for His sake would find eternal life, but those who would cling onto their life would lose it (Matthew 16:24–25; Mark 8:34–35). Indeed, Jesus even went so far as to say that those who are unwilling to sacrifice their lives for Him cannot be His disciples (Luke 14:27).

That first year of my second daughter's life was a time of  struggle that brought me closer to God. The trials of this life can bring us closer to Him because they remind us of our dependence on Him. Understanding our true dependence on Him helps us die to self. We are encouraged, therefore, even to rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope (Rom 5:3-5).  And it is Christ who the source of our hope.

And so, it is in the midst of emotional turmoil and overwhelming trials that we can truly experience the peace that passes understanding, for such peace makes no logical sense and transcends our circumstances. It interrupts our frenzied thoughts. In our moments of weakness and desperation, God's strength can be powerfully realized. These experiences show us that we can truly do all things through Him who strengthens us (Phil 4:12-14). These experiences humble us.

To me, the desire for, "more of Him, less of me," encapsulates the gospel, indicating that while I have a problem (a sinful heart), He has the solution (Christ). It is a good way to remember that "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Gal 2:20).

...And despite a bit of a rough start, by the way, our second daughter has blossomed into a sweet, loving child!