Gay Marriage and the New Normal: Should Christians Judge Others?

When asked the general question, "Should Christians judge others?" many Christians quickly answer, "no." Due to the endless fight against hypocrisy and legalism in our churches, and perhaps in an effort to disassociate ourselves from the antiquated "hellfire" approach of relatively recent history, many Christians today want to throw off their reputation for being judgmental and dogmatic. When hot-button, celebrity-studded stories of gender transitioning and violated LGBTQ[1] rights dominate the headlines against a cultural backdrop of political correctness and moral relativism, many of us are reluctant to speak up. The world has already pegged Christians as closed-minded, rigid, and bigoted (and in a few cases, rightly so). Why would we want to perpetuate this unflattering portrayal any further? Besides, isn't it more Christ-like to love, and not condemn, our neighbors?

In fact, a growing number of Christian leaders are now discouraging a biblical discussion of such issues so as not to alienate people from the Church or be deemed insensitive. Megachurch pastor, Andy Stanley, for example, has called for churches to be the "safest" place in the world for gay people. Indeed, many practicing gay members attend his "seeker-friendly" church in Georgia (one of the largest megachurches in the country). Stanley's approach in befriending the LGBTQ community, stands in direct contrast to his father's, Pastor Charles Stanley, who has caused much ire within the gay community for openly calling out homosexuality as a sinful lifestyle. A similar outlook has been expressed by Jen Hatmaker—a pastor's wife, reality TV star, and popular mom-blogger—who put it this way when it comes to gay marriage: "We do not need any more inflammatory soldiers in the culture wars; we need more thought leaders who are slower to publicly condemn their faithful [practicing gay] brothers and sisters and quicker to invite reason and dialogue to the table."[2]

Admittedly, the Christian community itself is far from immune to sexual scandal. The Church has been dogged by story after debauched story of sex crimes and abuse...from former National Association of Evangelical president and megachurch pastor, Ted Haggard, sleeping with a male prostitute and taking crystal meth to countless sexual abuse and rape cover-ups such as those coming to light in Christian campuses like Bob Jones University, Pensacola Christian College, and Cedarville University, the list goes on. And on the heels of mortifying headlines involving the Duggars, any judgment from within the Church against the LGBTQ lifestyle raises the bright red flag of hypocrisy in the eyes of many. In the face of all this, who are we to judge?

And so, more and more well-intentioned Christians are setting out to be inclusive, unoffensive, accepting, and tolerant. They strive to love their neighbor without passing judgment. For isn't this what Jesus meant, when He said, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.”?

Not exactly. While it's tempting to come up with a quick, soundbitey answer to the question, there's a little more to it than that. As always, a comprehensive and contextual reading of the passage is needed to discern what Scripture is actually saying here. Jesus said, "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matt 7:1-5). In the passage, Jesus is denouncing self-righteous, hypocritical judgment of others without having a repentant, humble heart oneself.

A similar lesson is taught by Paul to the Roman believers, "So then each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother." (Rom 14:12-13). Paul is rebuking unfair judgment of others in the context of quarreling over divisive, legalistic matters, as the Romans had been doing.

We see the same lesson echoed in the epistle of James: "Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, He who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?" (James 4:11-12). The act of wrongfully judging here is discussed in the context of speaking evil against other believers—as opposed to building one another up by speaking the truth in love.

In this vein, Scripture is clear that we are not to judge another person's standing before God or their salvation, for only God can truly know the condition of a person's heart; Paul writes, "Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God." (1 Cor 4:5).

But as we look further into Scripture, we find that many times we are actually called to judge others. Paul, for example, urged the Corinthians in no uncertain terms that they were to judge the immoral behavior of those within their church; "Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. 'Purge the evil person from among you.'" (1 Cor 5:12-13). And in the passage above from Mathew's Gospel, when Jesus calls us to first examine ourselves and to repent of our own sin, He goes on to indicate that this is the prerequisite for correctly judging the sin of a brother (Matt 7:5).

In fact, Jesus consistently encourages us to exercise righteous judgment, repeatedly warning us to watch out for false prophets in our midst, for example. And Paul tells us to "test everything" (1 Thess 5:21); We are to judge every teaching, holding it up against God's Word, like the "noble" Berean Jews were commended for in the Book of Acts. For Scripture warns us that, "the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths." (2 Timothy 4:3-4). It is crucial, then, that we cling to sound judgment in a world of deceit in which Satan masquerades as an angle of light (2 Cor 11:13-15).

In response to the Jews who judged Him wrongly for healing a man on the Sabbath, Jesus said, "Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly." (John 7:24). And so, it is not the act of judging others itself that Jesus condemns, but it is the nature of, or heart-motivation for, that judgment with which He is concerned.




Judgmentalism Versus Sound Judgment

Throughout Scripture, there is a clear distinction drawn between two contrasting natures of judgment; judgmentalism (being excessively critical) is decried, while sound judgment (exercising wise discernment) is strongly prescribed. While humility is at the essence of sound judgment, judgmentalism is motivated by pride. Sound judgment is permeated with an acute awareness that it is by God's grace that we are saved, so that we cannot boast in our own strength. We can exercise sound, righteous judgment purely because our righteousness is in Christ. Judgmentalism, however, is self-righteous—and is not, therefore, of God.

Jesus made this clear when he said to those who were muttering about Him in the temple, "If anyone's will is to do God's will, he will know whether the teaching is from God or whether I am speaking on my own authority. The one who speaks on his own authority seeks his own glory; but the one who seeks the glory of Him who sent him is true, and in him there is no falsehood." (John 7:17-18). Jesus demonstrates here that judgmentalism is motivated by the pursuit of self-glory, whereas sound judgment is motivated by a desire for God's glory.

Because, as children of God, we are able to judge righteously, the way we judge each other will be different from the way we judge the fallen, unrighteous world. For Scripture also draws a careful distinction between the different contexts of judgment in addition to the different natures of judgment. It's useful to take a deeper look at how Scripture treats these contexts before we can provide a complete and biblical answer to the question: should Christians judge others

Context: Judging Other Believers

While there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Rom 8:1), there does need to be accountability among believers. Jesus taught that if a believer sees another believer sinning, it is his Christian duty to [lovingly and respectfully] confront him about his sin in private. If the believer doesn't listen, Jesus taught that the church should then be involved. And if he still doesn't listen, he should be treated as someone outside of the church—like a "pagan" or "tax collector" (Matt 18:15-17). In other words, he should be treated like someone who is lost.

This in no way implies we should pretend everything's okay and smooth things over when a sinning believer is unrepentant. We should forgive that person, yes. But not reconcile with that person. As demonstrated by the parable of the prodigal son, it is when sincere repentance occurs that reconciliation can follow. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is not contingent on repentance. We are all sinners. We should extend the same grace and forgiveness to others that God has extended to us. There is an important distinction between forgiveness and reconciliation.

A common mistake Christians make, however, is to confuse the act of incorrectly, unfairly judging another (which Jesus exposes in John 7) with that of holding another accountable (which He lays out in Matthew 18). The end-goal of the former is alienation and revenge; the end-goal of the latter is the hope for repentance and reconciliation.

Again, it's the motivation behind our judgment of another believer that really matters. If we aren't primarily motivated by our love of God and others, we can too easily be over-critical of other Christians or harsh with our handling of the truth. If our motive is to prove that we are right about something, to take out our insecurities on someone else, or to undermine another believer who has hurt us, we are being wrongfully judgmental. But if our motivation is to gently point that person back to the truth from which they may have strayed, and admonish them with the hope they have in Christ, our judgment of them is righteous. As Jesus lays out for us, we are to first examine ourselves with humility, before judging another (Matt 7:1-5). And we need to ask ourselves: am I judging for self-gain or God's glory?

Exercising righteous judgment is necessarily merciful, "for judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment." (Jas 2:13). This is the essence of the gospel, isn't it? So, we are to judge sin, but always with the goal of presenting the gospel-centered solution for that sin in the atoning love of Christ (John 14:6; 2 Cor 5:17).

And exercising righteous judgment involves patience. It calls for us to be slow to speak and quick to listen. It's important not to tip the balance from speaking the truth in love into nit-picking at people or hitting them over the head with THE TRUTH. If our love of God and people is our main motive for judging others, this should cause us to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit in discerning when we should speak and when we should remain silent. Sometimes, I have found that holding my tongue with regards to a friend's sinful pattern of behavior and praying for them has born more fruit than if I had confronted them right then and there. And we should certainly have patience with some one who is suffering from depression or mental illness—it's important to recognize where no-strings support should begin, and accountability end, in these cases.

As exercisers of sound judgment, we should also live by example. If we are truly humble, we will have a teachable heart ourselves and allow others the same freedom to speak truth to us when needed. Exercising judgment should go both ways! We have to be willing not only to give it, but to receive it as well, remembering always that the end-goal is not a guilt-trip, but repentance and, where possible, reconciliation.

So how do we handle LGBTQ issues within the Church? 1 Corinthians 5 provides a great model for how to confront sexual immorality among Christians; Paul exhorts the Corinthian believers to purge the evil from their church by not associating themselves with the couple who were engaging in a sexually immoral (incestuous) relationship, until they repented.

With regards, then, to practicing homosexuals who are professing Christians, the method of welcoming them in without gently holding them accountable, doesn't seem to gel with 1 Corinthians 5 or Matthew 18. It's important to show them love, yes. But what does love look like in this context? Is it acting as if there's no issue with their lifestyle and making church a "safe" place to remain as they are? Is it tolerating the open practice of sexual sin within the church, whether it be promiscuity, infidelity, incest, pornography, or homosexuality?

The truth is, it is not unloving to hold a believer accountable for his or her sinful lifestyle (whatever form it may take). To leave believers trapped in a sinful lifestyle without consequence is unloving. With all due respect to Pastor Andy Stanley, Scripture does not call for churches to be the "safest" place in the world for those practicing homosexuality. Most loving, yes. Safest, no. Because what may feel "safe" to those trapped in a sinful lifestyle, isn't often what's best for them; heart convictions can be unsettling, and dying to self, uncomfortable. But the Lord disciplines those He loves (Heb 12:6; Prov 3:12). In the same way, we should hold those we love accountable for their sinful lifestyle.

On the flip-side, it's important to let go of any bitterness or hatred against gay Christians that could become a foothold for Satan in our own hearts. God's wrath is enough. Instead, we should fear for their hardened, confused, or unrepentant hearts and pray for them.

But, when it comes to those who've committed very disturbing crimes like child-abuse, we need to act—and fast. For as Christians we are to be upholders of justice (Heb 11:33) and to correct oppression (Isa 17:1), contending for the weak, poor, and vulnerable members of our society. Therefore, we should always judge child-abusers righteously and hold them accountable for their actions—whoever they are. Sex-offenders and child-abusers should immediately be reported to legal authorities to face the consequences for their crimes. And the onus should never be placed on the victim to reconcile with the abuser. (If this does occur, it has to be at the behest of the victim, not the abuser or the church). And abusers should never, ever be protected or concealed by the Church as the Roman Catholic Church was accused of doing a few years ago when archbishops, cardinals, and bishops allegedly harbored known pedophile and ephebophile priests, relocating them to other parishes while keeping their identities secret—and allowing countless other children to be victimized as a result. This was not only shockingly poor judgment on part of the church leadership, but an inexcusable travesty of justice.

The same sadly goes for then 14- and 15-year-old Josh Duggar; his parents should have reported the multiple incidents of sexual abuse of several minors to police immediately, not have dealt with it all secretly behind church walls, and proceeded to wait over a year to alert local authorities. I am not questioning whether or not Josh was rehabilitated or counseled effectively here. He should have had church counseling (although widely accused sex-offender Bill Gothard's Quiverfull ministry hardly seems the appropriate place for this—not to mention the personal friend and ex-cop the Duggars enlisted to talk to Josh at the time who is now in prison for child-pornography). I am questioning the fact that Christians yet again concealed a sex-crime instead of handling it transparently and with sound judgment. Josh needed to face the consequences for his crimes as a member of society, not just as a member of the church. This may sound harsh, but it is sadly what his grave mistakes called for. The mess that this tragic situation became was, in my opinion, the result of an unhealthy, cult-like form of closed-doors Christianity, which the Quiverfull movement, and the Roman Catholic Church, have sadly represented in these cases.

Accountability between believers, therefore, involves sound, prayerful, and principled judgment—sound judgment of both the sin itself and the fitting consequence of that sin, as well as an understanding of when it is a church-matter, and when it is a matter for local authorities.

In addition to practicing peer-to-peer accountability between believers, Jesus warns us to watch out for false teachers in our midst. As mentioned above, we are each called to guard the faith with courage and conviction and to "test everything." I like how Paul words this to Timothy when he writes, "Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and the opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge." (1 Tim 6:20).

While we should pray for our pastors and honor their positions of authority, we must also hold them accountable to preach, and not stray from, God's Word. Pastors, theologians, Christian speakers and writers are all fallible. While we should never be witch-hunters, we do need to watchmen, encouraging our leaders to stand firm in the faith, and fight the good fight in the spirit of loving encouragement.

Ultimately, if Christians were not to pass judgment on false teaching, foolishness, and sinfulness, nor to discern good from evil, we would become far more like the world, and a lot less like Christ.

Context: Judging the World

And so, in a fallen world that loves the lie, and hates the truth that is Jesus Christ (John 15:18), how should believers apply righteous judgment?

2 Timothy 4:2 instructs us, "Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke, and encourage, with great patience and careful instruction." If we are to correct and rebuke, we are by extension to proclaim what God's Word says about sin. And we are to do this with gentleness and respect—pointing sinners to the hope they have in Christ.

We should, however, treat the sin of unbelievers differently from the sin of Christians. Unbelievers are not held to the same standards as those who are born again, because they are not indwelt by the Holy Spirit, do not subscribe to biblical principles, and have not yet been made new in Christ. This is why we can't judge them in the same way as we judge other believers. As Paul said, "Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside." (1 Cor 5:12-13). We should reach out to unbelievers, pray for them, speak the truth in love to them, and witness to them—not obsess over their unbiblical behavior. Ultimately, God wants to draw them to Himself, not for us to condemn them mercilessly. For of course, the old adage, hate the sin, not the sinner, comes in to play here.

But the reality is, our culture celebrates sin. Our children are growing up in a new era in which Christianity is more counter-cultural than ever before. Sexual immorality is unashamedly lauded in the mainstream media. Homosexuality is celebrated on Emmy-winning TV shows like Modern Family, for example, which received mass acclaim for airing an "historic" gay marriage proposal...Bruce Jenner is dubbed a "hero" for adorning his body with breast implants and wearing women's clothing...Promiscuity is promoted everywhere we look.

Sexual immorality is becoming so deeply embedded into the fabric of our society that it's hard to distinguish it anymore as we become increasingly desensitized to it. The shock-factor we felt back in the 80s when celebrities like Madonna first flaunted their sexuality so controversially has less impact now that an anything-goes mentality so widely prevails. We might have talked briefly about the antics of Miley Cyrus last year, but she's just one of the many skin-baring, hip-gyrating young stars stooping to new moral lows in the name of "being themselves." These young women are selling their bodies, and people are buying in droves.

As Christians, we are certainly called to go against the cultural tide when it comes to sexual purity. Paul was forthright in his treatment of sexual immortality, including homosexuality; he stated unequivocally, “do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” (1 Cor 6:9-10). Clearly, sin is serious in the eyes of God. It should be serious in our own eyes as well.

It's not about performing some machine-gun style of evangelism, however, that bombards people with threats of fire and brimstone or a Westboro Baptist-like approach to attacking homosexuality in our society. Crazy people such as these can make us want to distance ourselves from speaking the truth about sin at all for fear of being associated with such hateful bigotry and extreme kookiness.

Certainly, we should focus on the good news of the gospel—not obsess over the bad news of sin. However, sharing the gospel necessitates an acknowledgment of the gravity of sin. If we don't acknowledge the consequence of sin (separation from God), then we can't proclaim the gospel-solution (reconciliation to God). For without hell, there is no need for salvation. Sharing the gospel involves shedding light on (not detracting from) each person's life-and-death need to receive the free gift of redemption. It involves embracing our freedom in Christ and dying to the desires of the flesh. Unless we understand that sin leads to death, the gospel doesn't make any sense—or it becomes a false gospel. We simply can't brush sin under the rug.

Furthermore, lack of righteous judgment when it comes to sin leads to enablement. And enablement leads to hopelessness. A common misapplication of Jesus' commandment against judging others is to avoid calling sin, sin, altogether. It is this misunderstanding of Scripture that helps fuel the growing trend in the Christian church today to keep things "PC." A growing number of Church leaders are shying away from addressing polarizing issues of right and wrong that could cause division in their congregations or scare people away.

But as uncomfortable as we may find these culturally controversial topics, we must, when the opportunity presents itself, speak the truth as Jesus did with loving concern. To ignore or down-play sin is tantamount to telling people they have no need for a Savior.

Jesus certainly didn't mince His words when it came to matters of sin and its fatal consequences. He mentioned hell 23 times as is recorded in the Gospels. And when He went to dinner at a Pharisee's home, He told the Pharisees, "Woe to you experts in the law, because you have taken away the key to knowledge. You yourselves have not entered, and you have hindered those who were entering." (Luke 11:52) Not exactly cordial dinner conversation! Jesus was far more concerned with speaking the truth to them about their sinful hearts than sparing their feelings and sticking to safe topics of discussion. When the disciples came to Jesus and told Him the Pharisees were offended by what He had been saying, Jesus answered that the Pharisees’ failure to see the truth right in front of them would be their downfall and He continued to uphold the truth, even when it offended people (Matt 15:12). It is this that is Christ-like behavior! Not the benign, feel-good version of worldly "love" that is tossed about today as "Christ-like."

For when a rich young man ran up to Jesus and fell on his knees before Him, asking, “Good teacher…what must I do to inherit eternal life?" Jesus spoke forthrightly, telling him to leave everything he had and follow Him. Jesus was exposing an area of sin—a heart-problem—in the man. And the man went away sadly because he had great wealth. But the Bible also tells us that, “Jesus looked at him and loved him.” (Mark 10:17-21). It was because Jesus loved the man so much that He spoke the truth to him about his sin. He didn't try to win him over right then and there. He didn't tell him what he wanted to hear in order to make him feel "safe" and gain a new follower. Instead, Jesus wanted the man to hear what was good for him. If we really love someone unconditionally and self-sacrificially, we will want to be truthful with them even if they reject us because of it.

So, how should we handle tough, hot-button issues like homosexuality? Firstly, it is important to make the distinction between sin in our culture and the sin of individuals. In short, we should stand firmly against the former, and show grace towards the latter, without compromising on the truth in either context.

When my friend, Julie, was attending beauty school in New Jersey a few years ago, she was confronted with what many Christians would consider to be a particularly challenging question. Knowing she was a Christian, one of her fellow students asked her: "So, do you think I am going to hell because I am gay?" But, Julie answered his question simply and without hesitation: "No. I think you are going to hell because you are a sinner, just like I am. I would be going to hell too if my sins weren't covered by the blood of Christ."[3] Julie's Spirit-led response demonstrated the humility, truthfulness, and love that the gospel demands. She didn't try to finesse it, or pretty it up. She set forth the truth gently and plainly, and left the rest to God. In other words, Julie's response reflected sound judgment.

But, the question is: what is to become of sound judgment such as this in a culture that has replaced "traditional values" with the "new normal"?

Sound Judgment and the New Normal

Due to the continued integration of progressive views into the ideological, political, and social fabric of our society, it will undoubtedly become more and more challenging for Christians to live out our faith biblically. (In some cases, Christians have already been penalized legally for doing so). At the start of 2010, the Obama administration included gender identity among the classes protected against discrimination under the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). On July 1, 2011, the EEOC ruled that job discrimination against lesbians, gays, and bisexuals constituted a form of sex-stereotyping and thus violated Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. On April 20, 2012, the EEOC went further and ruled that gender identity was also a protected class under the ban on sex discrimination found in Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. On July 21, 2014, President Obama signed Executive Order 13672, adding "gender identity" and "sexual orientation" to the categories protected against employment discrimination in the federal civilian workforce including government contractors and sub-contractors. It is not out of the realm of possibility that in ten years or so, churches that refuse to officiate gay weddings, will be in danger of losing their 501c3 status.

In the face of these developments, certain influential megachurches could be headed in the direction of capitulating on the issue of traditional marriage. A few seem already to be laying the groundwork for this by seeking to be safe-houses for practicing homosexuals, who are being treated as a special group—a different class of people from pedophiles, adulterers, and pornography-addicts, etc.

The fact is, sound judgment is under attack both inside and outside of the Church. Feelings and experiences are trumping reason and discernment. Emotions rule. Nebulous concepts such as, "Christians shouldn't judge others," are thrown about lazily. Shallow statements like, "don't judge!" are becoming coined phrases. It's sloppy theology at it worst. And it's causing many believers to lose their biblical bearings.

There is an alternative to either bigotry (which is rooted in judgmentalism) or capitulation (which lacks any judgment at all) in our response to culturally controversial issues like gay marriage. That alternative is to exercise sound judgment based on biblical truth. Sound judgment, being motivated by our love of God and of others, is patient and merciful while uncompromisingly just and truthful. Sound judgment is merciful because it doesn't gloss over sin, but instead offers hope and redemption in the washing away of that sin in the blood of Christ.

It is important that believers who uphold biblical inerrancy continue to stand firm on the solid rock of God's Word even if a growing number of Christian leaders are not. Be prepared. Take courage. It's going to be an uphill battle. But don't lose heart. Jesus has already overcome the world.

Jesus exhibited sound judgment. Certainly, then, so should we. If we don't, who will?

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1. or LGBT, or GLBT, or LGBTI...or whichever your preferred alphabet-soup initialism
2. http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2014/03/25/world-vision-gay-marriage-and-a-different-way-through
3. Paraphrased

Radical or Relevant?

Over the years, I've encountered many different interpretations of what it means to live life as a Christian. When confronted with the vast array of—often conflicting—opinions on how we as believers should live out our faith, I've often been left scratching my head, and asking myself: so, are we to be counter-cultural or culturally sensitive? How much in the world can we really be without being of it? Are we to be radical or relevant, or somewhere in between? 

The perennial question, how in the world should I live? is one which continues to occupy my mind even now in my thirties. Living in the culturally diverse DC area, I've observed a wide variety of takes on the Christian walk, many of which bear surprisingly little resemblance to one another. For example, here are two Christians I have known...

"Jim" is the first. He lives out his faith in an "out-there" kind of way, wearing his convictions unashamedly on his sleeve. Jim personifies what could be seen as radical. Everyone in the office at work knows he is a Christian. He talks openly about his relationship with the Lord, prays before eating his sandwich in the lunchroom and reads his bible on the metro. Everyone likes him well enough, but in all honesty, no one seems to take him all that seriously. He might be a little unrelatable.

On the flip-side, there's "Rob." You would never guess Rob was a Christian if you bumped into him at one of the heavy-drinking get-togethers he frequents. He doesn't use Christianese. He has swagger. He wears believably edgy clothes. He only listens to secular music. You might say that Rob is relevant. He's a fixture at the bars, but you'll often find him at church on Sunday as well (with a bit of a hangover sometimes, let's be honest). If you get to know him, he'll tell you what he believes. And you might say: wow, normal, fun people like you can be Christian? Maybe there's something to this Christianity thing after all.

Rob and Jim may seem like over-generalizations, but I think many of us have known some version of a Rob or Jim at one point in our lives or another. We may even identify certain characteristics of Rob or Jim in ourselves. Both Jim and Rob sincerely believe in Jesus, but they each have a different idea of what it means to live out their faith. 

I have been fascinated by people-watching in the Christian community for years. I noticed that those who are more like Rob often seem better positioned to reach out to unbelievers than the Jims seem to be. This is because the Jims—inadvertently perhaps—might operate in more of a Christian bubble than the Robs. The Robs tend to have a lot of friends (in some cases the majority of their friends) who are not Christians. Some of the Robs may even date unbelievers. But the Jims may struggle to relate to unbelievers on a personal level because they're so different from them, culturally as well as spiritually. So, which type of Christian is getting it right, and which one isn't...or are they both acceptable?

This is an important question. Jesus' last, and arguably His most important, commandment before His ascension was to go and make disciples of all nations (Matt 28:19). A friend once said to me, "the only thing we can't do in Heaven is evangelize." He was right. And we are each called to be witnesses (Acts 1:8). So how do we best do this? Many would argue that people like Jim aren't very effective in this endeavor. After all, how could unbelievers possibly relate to him? 

But I think one of the biggest mistakes we could make in discerning how best to live out our faith and witness to others, is to look to the world first for the answers. The reality is, even if we try to fit in with the world, the world may reject us all the same. How many celebrities have we seen rise and fall in popularity? How many people who were once idolized have we seen plummet from fame? The world is ruthless and fickle. But the love of God endures forever. In light of this, we should seek to please God first, not people first, in how we live—even if doing so might not win us popularity or make us more relatable.

Furthermore, if we base the way we live on worldly opinions, we will find ourselves being blown about by every wind of teaching. We'll find a lot of different theories, strategies, and lifestyles out there and many of them won't be consistent with Scripture. It's when we turn to God's Word, however, that things start to become clear.

Rather than feeling pressure to fit in with contemporary culture or the worldly status quo, then, Paul says we should "come out and be separate from the world" and not be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Cor 6:14-14-18). The bible says that believers are to live as foreigners in the world (1 Peter 2:11). Foreigners tend to stand out from the crowd, not blend in. Sometimes, they are rejected by people just as Jesus was rejected by the world. As Jesus said, "If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you." (John 15:19)

And so, Paul admonishes us not to conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewal of our minds (Rom 12:2). And he further explains that we, "must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart." (Eph 4:17-18). In all honesty, it's hard to break free from the deceitful patterns of this world, if we fellowship with darkness—if we live life in close partnership with those who worship the things of this world.

Ultimately, living an authentic life as a Christian is the best witness to those around us. If we're disingenuous about how we live out our faith, we'll likely end up being exposed as hypocrites or fakes. Instead of trying to be like the world in order to be accepted by it, I think it's important to keep our identity firmly rooted in Christ, remembering that it's the role of the Holy Spirit to convict hearts, not ours to finesse our faith and tweak the gospel to make it more culturally acceptable.

The truth is, Christians are called to believe a foolish message and live a foolish lifestyle. But, God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise (1 Cor 1:27). Although Jim's faith may appear foolish at times to his colleagues at the office, after a time, they may come to respect him. They may notice that he is a man of his word and a man of integrity. Deep down, they may admire the fact that he turns down happy hour to go home to have dinner with his family and that he's conspicuously absent from the office drama or water-cooler gossip sessions. They may notice that he's quick to speak words of encouragement rather than criticism. Ultimately, they may see the light of Jesus in him.

So, in light of Scripture, who's got it right? Jim or Rob? I would say, actually, neither. Again, I think the answer lies in Christ, not in man.

The bottom line is this: each believer needs "to work out our salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in us to will and to act according to His purpose." (Phil 2:12-13) The Greek verb, "work out," means "to continually work to bring something to completion or fruition." We do this by actively pursuing obedience to God as part of our sanctification process toward the goal of becoming more like Christ. The “trembling” Paul describes is the attitude Christians are to have in pursuing this goal—a healthy fear of offending God and an awe and respect for His majesty and holiness. Basically, it's about living in reverence to a holy God.

The way this looks for you might be a little different from the way this looks for me. Each believer in the Body of Christ is spiritually wired in a unique way. Just as we each have a unique finger print, we each have our own gifts, our own part to play, our own personalities, and we each relate to God individually in our own personal relationship with Him. 

More importantly, however, we are one in Christ and we are each a new creation in Him. (2 Cor 4:17). It is no longer we who live, but Christ who lives in us. (Gal 2:20). Therefore, if our identity is rooted in Christ, we will begin to die to self and live in reverent submission to Him.

So is this radical Christianity? Living life as a radical Christian, like perhaps Jim intends to do, will hopefully involve a reverent faith. I liked much of what David Platt had to say in his hard-hitting book, Radical, for example. In it, he challenges Christians to live for the gospel—a gospel that not only saves us from our sins, but also compels us to lay down our lives gladly for God’s glory in a world of urgent spiritual and physical need. He unflinchingly calls out Christians on cheap grace, easy-believism, and consumer Christianity. It certainly convicted me in several areas of my own life.

But setting out to live life as a radical Christian can put us in danger of placing too much emphasis on what we are doing and how well we're doing it. Being a radical Christian is a good thing, but if it becomes an ultimate thing, then that's a bad thing. This can produce self-righteousness, pride, and an over-emphasis on works. If the focus becomes on how holy we are, as opposed to how holy God is, then we have a problem. Our identity is no longer in Christ, but in being "radical."

An extreme example of this recently unfolded in the highly publicized Bill Gothard sexual-misconduct scandal. Gothard's Advanced Training Institute (ATI) created a radical Christian culture of "quarantined Christianity" in which the sinful and demonic forces of the outside world were shut out in an effort to preserve an oasis of Christian perfection within their community. While the original aim was to live Gothard's interpretation of a radical Christian lifestyle, however, this soon morphed into an attempt to create an earthly utopia. The ATI culture was insular—not missional—and sin was treated as an external force, rather than an internal heart-problem. According to reports from insiders, self-righteousness was rife in the community, which distracted from the need for believers to seek their righteousness in Christ alone. As a result, the ATI community inevitably cracked under the weight of sin and scandal.

It's important, then, that not conforming to the world isn't confused with conforming instead to some type of conservative Christian subculture. To do so, would merely be exchanging one man-made system of living for another. The answer is not in a system, but in a Savior. And while it might be tempting to use the "unequally yoked" passage as an excuse to retreat into a holy huddle, this isn't what Christ calls us to. We're called to be salt and light in the world, not shut to ourselves off from the world. Making disciples can't be achieved inside a Christian bubble.

So what about relevant Christianity? At least this is outwardly focused, not insular. Again, however, I think it's missing the mark—and perhaps even more so.

A good example of the widespread effort over the last decade or two to make Christianity more relevant (i.e. more relatable) to younger generations can be seen in the Emerging Church movement—a broad, yet controversial, movement that seeks to use culturally sensitive approaches to reach the postmodern, un-churched population with the Christian message. Emerging churches often promote a feelings- and experience-based relationship with God, while downplaying the need for sound doctrine and a cognizant understanding of His word. Polarizing and inconvenient biblical truths are often glossed over in an effort to be "seeker-friendly" and to make everyone more comfortable.

Relevant Christianity is certainty outreach-minded. But if it leads churches to mirror secular culture as opposed to presenting a counter-cultural worldview, then it looks to the world first, not Scripture first, for the answers on how best to live out the Christian faith. As a result, the gospel message is marginalized in a church culture that primarily caters to human needs. It focuses on people first, not God first and thus de-emphasizes the Lordship of Christ. Relevant Christianity tends to downplay the gravity of sin to make everyone feel better about themselves, but as a result God's grace doesn't seem so amazing anymore.

So, then, striving to be either relevant or radical in our Christian faith can actually lead us away from being reverent. Living out our faith reverently, though, is what really matters. Living in submission to Christ and dying to ourselves daily, will keep our eyes fixed on Jesus—not on ourselves or on the world around us. Living in reverence takes the pressure off us and allows us to enjoy our true freedom in Christ. And living out our faith reverently will actually have greater impact on the world around us, because the gospel of Christ will remain our focus and our motivation.

We don't have to over-complicate things and confuse ourselves (and others) by trying to be radical, relevant, or somewhere in between. Instead, we can simply aim to be reverent, seeking to glorify God in how we live out our faith.

Are you having an identity crisis?

What defines you as a Christian? What characterizes your faith? Are you missions-minded? Are you Spirit-filled? Service-oriented? An altruist? A pro-lifer? A prayer warrior? A generous giver? A theologian? An evangelist? Or maybe a you identify yourself as a struggling believer? A doubter? A lost sheep? A failure?

Your answer to the question: what defines you as a Christian? is pivotal. And if your response doesn't flip the subject of this question from a what? to a who? you could potentially be experiencing an identity crisis...

I believe that many Christians today are losing their identity. It's a serious problem that isn't only reserved for Christians who are straying from their faith. Upstanding, well-reputed, practicing Christians can be the victim of an identity crisis. And it usually creeps in when we least expect it. 

When our identity is rooted in being a 5-point-Calvinist, an Arminian, a home-schooler, a Baptist, a Methodist, a Pentecostal, a missionary, a ministry leader, a helper of the poor, a Christian who's "in touch" with culture, ANYTHING other than in Christ, we are missing the mark. These may be good things. Some of them may indeed be crucial, biblically correct things. But they cannot replace Christ. And if they become our identity, we have a problem. We have an identity crisis.

In other words, if we define our identity by our theology, our spiritual gifts, or how we live out our faith, rather than finding it in Christ alone, we are inching down a treacherous path. This is not to say that these things are unimportant. Sound theology is an indispensable means to understanding God's Word (1 Tim 4:16). A God-honoring life should display the fruit of our faith as an essential outworking of our sanctification (Jam 2:14-26). And it is important that our spiritual gifts be used wisely for God's glory (1 Pet 4:10). But theological knowledge can become a source of pride if we get our identity wrapped up in it. We can become self-righteous and legalistic when our focus is on our own achievements rather than on God's grace to us as sinners. And we can become more self-centered—and less Christ-centered—if we get preoccupied with our spiritual gifts rather than being enthralled by the One who so graciously bestowed them on us in the first place. 

The fact is, we're all sinners and we all fall short of the glory of God (Rom 3:23). It is by grace we have been saved, not by works, so no one can boast (Eph 2:8-9). Seeking our identity in the life-choices we make, like how to dress, how to educate our kids, how to spend our money, what to eat and drink, etc., can too easily lead us to become judgmental of others or to think of ourselves more highly than than we ought. These things, many of which may be meaningful, shouldn't define us.  If they do, we'll end up with a life dominated by pride, insecurity, and eventually failure.

We are all vulnerable to having an identity crisis. I speak from experience, because I've had one myself. When I had my first baby seven years ago, I experienced a text-book case of identity crisis. I had recently left my job and with it, my sense of worldly significance. I felt purposeless. Rather than using my skills and education, I now spent my days at home with our baby who slept most of the time, leaving me alone to clean up a perpetual mess of misplaced sweet-potato spoonfuls and stray Cheerios. I was having an identity crisis because even though I had been a Christian for years, I had been seeking my identity in the wrong places—in how the world viewed me—not in Christ alone.

It is not only when we're struggling, but it's also when we're doing well in our Christian walk, that an identity crisis can occur; like when we've used our gifts to make a difference, when we've experienced a triumph over sin, or when we've made a remarkable accomplishment in ministry, for example. But we must be sure that we don't self-identify with our achievements—or our failures—too readily. If we continue to give all the glory to God in our high-points and seek refuge in Him during our low-points, we will be protected from losing sight of our true identity. This might seem like Christianity 101, but simple truths like these can easily elude us if we don't stay grounded. Scripture says, "let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall." (1 Cor 10:12). Paul is talking here about temptation. Have you ever noticed that it's often when you think you're doing pretty well in your Christian walk that you suddenly find yourself falling? You get complacent for a moment, maybe even a little arrogant, and before you know it—wham!—you're knocked off your feet. This isn't ultimately a bad thing. Being brought to our knees can be the most convicting reminder of our deep-seated need for God.

A hard-hitting example of this recently unfolded in the highly publicized Bill Gothard scandal. Gothard's Advanced Training Institute (ATI) conferences have been the subject of scrutiny since the many allegations of his sexual misconduct went public. ATI has been a popular gathering spot for thousands of Christian families, including the Duggar family from TLC’s “19 Kids and Counting,” and others from within the Quiverfull movement. But in a recent article, "Growing up Gothard," a former ATI family member, Derek, writes about the problems that come from a Christian culture that's caught up in the throws of what I believe to be a mass-identity crisis.

Derek describes how he grew up within a culture of "quarantined Christianity" in which the sinful and demonic forces of the outside world were shut out in an effort to preserve an oasis of Christian perfection within their community. The ATI culture was inwardly focused, and as a result, "the fatal flaw in the system (other than being completely contrary to the missional purpose to which we are called), is that sin was treated as an external force, rather than internal. The focus on the external resulted in a forced attempt at an appearance of godliness, while burying internal struggles." In other words, the ATI ministry promoted a cultural identity that was based on perfect Christian living. Without their identity being rooted firmly in Christ, it was possible for the ATI community to overlook Jesus' very last, and arguably His most important, commandment to go out into the world and make disciples (Matt 28:19; Mark 16:15). Furthermore, self-righteousness was rife in the community while the internal heart-problem of sin was glossed over, and in some cases completely hidden. 

To recognize that sin is an internal heart-problem necessitates our dependence on Christ and compels us to seek our identity in Him—not in any man-made system or Christian culture. Remembering that our righteousness is imparted to us in Christ, and is not achieved in our own strength, will cause us to doubt in the possibility of a man-made utopia on earth, Christian or not. However much we shut ourselves off from the sinful world outside, sin will still be rampant in our fallen hearts and will still permeate our families and community. Bill Gothard now faces the shameful reality of his own sin despite creating a false identity for himself and his followers, which concealed it for so long.

Another concerning case of sin being brushed under the rug can be seen in the touchy-feely culture of the emerging church movement—a broad, multifaceted movement that generally-speaking seeks to use culturally sensitive approaches to reach younger generations, who have been leaving the church in droves. Rather than an insular, conservative culture like ATI that shuts out the world, though, emerging churches are outreach-focused. Within the movement, there is a general sentiment that the traditional way of doing church has failed, and that the Christian message should be repackaged to be more relevant, and to generate wider appeal, in a post-modern context. 

But in their attempt to hold the fleeting attention of young people, emerging churches tend to mirror the worldly culture around them rather than presenting a counter-cultural message. In this vein, polarizing truths such as black-and-white issues of right and wrong are conveniently ignored so as not to turn people off or alienate them. The word, sin, is largely avoided in this context, sometimes being replaced with more benign terms such as "mistakes." This approach, however, often fails to address the root cause—the heart-problem—that is leading young people to walk away from their faith in the first place. Instead of addressing the heart-issue of sin, the tendency is to focus on emotional healing or behavior modification, which is like applying mere band-aids to expanding wounds in sinful hearts.

By glossing over the seriousness of sin in order to appeal to a worldly audience, our need for a Savior is marginalized—and a large-scale identity crisis is perpetuated. In fact, the unoffensive message preached in many emerging churches gives seekers the impression that their existing sense of identity can remain intact—because God loves them "just as they are." This conveniently by-passes the gospel-centered truth that God does love them, and is pursuing a relationship with them, but His love for them is exactly why He wants to make them new in Christ. This is why He doesn't want to leave them steeped in self-destructive lives of fleshly sin! Sadly, however, seekers are often encouraged, within the emerging church culture, to remain secure in their pre-existing state of identity crisis. And so, the opportunity to share the good news that they can be miraculously transformed in Christ is tragically missed.

An identity crisis is not to be taken lightly. It can have devastating, self-destructive results. For example, an identity crisis is arguably what led to Satan's downfall from Heaven. The Bible tells us that before his fall, Satan was the “anointed cherub” (Eze 28:14) and “the model of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty.” (Eze 28:12b) It is likely that Satan was one of the highest of all angels because he had enough influence to convince one third of them to join him in his rebellion (Rev 12:4). There is speculation that Satan was the leader of worship in Heaven. But what we know for sure is that Satan found his identity in the wrong places. He didn't find his identity in being an angel of God. Instead, his identity was wrapped up in being the special one—one who was exalted above others. His identity was rooted in pride. And the effects of this were catastrophic. The fact is, Satan rebelled against God despite being anointed by, and in close relationship with, Him. This sends a chilling warning to us as Christians, doesn't it? Satan's story shows us how important it is that our identity be firmly anchored in Christ. And if it isn't, it is always rooted in some form of pride. 

Satan wants us to seek our identity in prideful things, just like he does. And our fallen hearts will likely succumb to this temptation if we don't keep our eyes off ourselves and fixed on Jesus. Jesus made it clear that following Him involves denying oneself and taking up one's cross daily (Luke 9:23). Ironically, denying ourselves isn't to become enslaved; It is to become free from enslavement to our fleshly desires. (God's truth often turns human logic upside-down doesn't it?) These desires lead to death, but those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires (Gal 5:24). Denying ourselves, then, actually serves to protect us from destroying ourselves.

This is a daily process. For me personally, it's a struggle to surrender my heart each day. I can easily get too busy with "immediately pressing" needs or get preoccupied with my own thoughts and activities. It's at these times that I quickly begin to lose myself to a myopic world that's all about me. It's when I'm not consciously seeking after Jesus that I find my true identity slipping away. And my thought-patterns start to reflect an internal monologue, a commentary on my self-absorbed worries and concerns, rather than a conversation with God about His will, His thoughts, and His ways. In these moments, it helps just to stop and take a deep breath. Sometimes, I do this while praying, "more of You (breathing in), less of me (breathing out)." It really works!

Paul's words are so powerful when he writes, "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Gal 2:20). We can be encouraged to live by faith knowing that in Christ, we are a new creation. The old has passed away and behold, the new has come. (2 Cor 5:17). Praise Him that we have a new identity—a righteous identity—as children of the living God! We can put off the old self, and put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness (Eph 4:24).

I'd rather have an identity that reflects the likeness of God than my own sinful nature any day!